And, for the most part, I usually act on lyrics He sends me. By Your Side taught me to trust Him. Your Love is a Mystery showed me His love is radical. Background reminded me to let God be first in my life. And Have Your Way made me realize God knows what I want, what I need, and He'll provide for me.
But a new song that's been playing over and over in my head has been, well, tough to put into real life. Here are the main lyrics:
I'd rather forget and not slow down
Than gather regret for the things I can't change now
If I become what I can't accept
Resurrect the saint from within the wretch
Pour over me and wash my hands of it.
-Relient K
One of my signature traits is I remember things. I remember conversations from years ago; times spent with now-lost friends; memories made with people I love.
Some of you might say, "Why Lily, that's a great gift!" And, most of the time, it is! I can recall good times and stories that will never come about again. But my mind also retains bad things; sad, confusing, depressing memories.
I've come to look upon my 'fabulous memory' as a sort of curse. While those around me forget things, and move on, I'm stuck in the past. At night I replay my mistakes over and over in my head. My mind is a sponge, soaking up every word spoken and moment lived. That includes those I should forget.
6 comments:
oh me too, me too, lily. i think maybe we start by saying, Jesus, please help me. because i know that He will. ♥
i'm writing my book right now and may i just say, this picture here relates quite perfectly. is it from pinterest? would you mind if i saved it to my computer? :)
I'm the same way. Impeccable memory for everything but school- that's not a joke either. It can be bad, but also good.
That is for real the best album EVER.
see? yet another thing that we both do. i once told my friend about the time that she told me the entire scientific explanation of why it's hot down south and cold up north and why it can't be the other way around. she claimed she couldn't remember and i told her that that was because it was nearly three years ago. it's insane, i know. and i'm sure you know, because, well, you can remember quite well, too.
but i think that i'm going to have to forgive and forget some things, and it won't be easy, but with God's help i can do anything. great post :))
-jocee <3
I'm the exact same way. It's a great thing when it's good memories or something you need to remember.. but when it's something that hurts... well.. it's not fun at all :/
i completely understand, lil. i hold on to the past, too. and i don't want to. i just want to forget... forget and not slow down.
"'cause it seems i get so hung up on, the history of what's gone wrong and the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see. but i'm finally catching on to it, the past is just a conduit and the life there at the end is where i'll be..."
i love you, dear.
and i know He'll let you let this go.
I remember everything too, honey. In fact, there was this one time-
Wait, what was I talking about?
Love,
Dad
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