it's like hearing your mom's voice after a week at camp,

eating the first corn on the cob of the summer,

waking up in the middle of the night,

decorating your Christmas tree,

talking with a childhood friend,

or looking at your blog after a two month break.

It's familiar, but also kind of strange. You know it should feel normal, and maybe it does eventually.....but you still have to get past the strangeness of coming back and feeling like things have changed.

My life has become pretty rad recently {bringing that word back}. Or maybe it was always this way, and I'm just now realizing this fact. That's how it goes, right?

so now it's Christmas eve, and I'm starting to think about 2012 and all the things that have happened. There were a few big moments, a lot of little ones, and hundreds upon hundreds of memories made.

 

 

I'm back writing on this blog, but I don't feel like myself. Words are clunky in on my keyboard, thoughts are fuzzy, and I just want to sleep. Plus it's Christmas tomorrow, so how am I supposed to concentrate anyway?

 

 I've traveled, I've made new, amazing friends, I've changed myself, but this blog has stayed the same. I can still go back and look at things I wrote when I was fourteen and didn't really understand anything. Of course, I'm still getting there....but I've made a bit of progress.

 

 

 



so, Merry Christmas, you wonderful people who have stuck with me all these years. You will always be a part of my life, even when I disappear and am out of touch.

yours always,
-L

easy there, ecstacy

I like the word happy. I like being happy. But oh, most of all, I like being happy for other people.

For instance, a young couple I love like my own kin is expecting their first baby this spring. When I heard the news, I spazzed for about ten minutes {it's true, ask Emily}. The fact that they are having a little 'them' made me all giggle-y and squeal-y and simply overjoyed for them.

It's true, a lot of things have happened to me exclusively that made me want to jump for joy, or kiss the snow. But, unlike finding out about a new baby, that he's dating her, or that one friend got the part she's been dying for, I didn't literally let my happiness burst out of me.

It's just easier, most of the time, for me to be happy for someone else. Excepting a very few people, I dislike sharing my own triumphs and joys. I'm always afraid that the other person will be annoyed by my gushing, or simply won't care. I hate rejection.


I think it's better to know for sure that your friend is happy and share in his/her exuberance, than to be personally happy and left wondering if anyone else truly cares.

"Light is shed upon the righteous and joy on the upright in heart. Rejoice in the LORD, you who are righteous, and praise his holy name /// Psalm 97:11-12

Be happy, my dears. Whether it's in your best friend getting a smile from her special guy, your brother winning his soccer game, or a personal moment, rejoice in Him because of it. He likes it when we praise Him in joy.

always,
-L

faults and flaws

I like seeing things in people. I like observing them until I finally feel content with what I know of them.



 

 

As this quote states {from The Book Thief, by Mark Zusak} observing a certain person closely reveals their good and bad qualities---the things that make you love them, yet hate them at the same time. Such a quandry, eh?

Funny thing is, I actually like knowing people's faults; the flaws in their personalities.

Is that weird?

What I mean is, I like seeing the weak points of those around me, and treasuring them. Like Mary pondered everything about the Wise men in her heart, so I take those special hand movements, the crazy faces, or the silly things and let them dwell in my heart.

Those little quirks are a part of this special person, and so I love these wacky parts of them. Maybe I get annoyed by the aforementioned quirks, but they endear that person to me more. I know their little oddity is safe in my heart, and I often hope no one else notices it!

The world is cruel, and weird/funky traits aren't appreciated so much. It makes me sad, so I like being one of the few who care and cherish little things.

If you find someone who loves your flaws, hold on to them, and don't let them out of your life. Do your best to learn their way of seeing things, and soon you'll be changing the world, one lovely flaw at a time.

'cause you've got {that one thing}

I love once a week hugs.

 

I hate only seeing people once a week.

 

I love peppermint mochas from Starbucks.

 

I hate when people try to steal/throw away my peppermint mocha.

 

I love puffed lobster chips.

 

I hate choking on prawn chips and scaring the business man next door.

 

I love Megamind.

 

I hate custom baby seal leather boots.

 

I love the song, Begin Again by Taylor Swift.

 

I hate that liking Taylor Swift is cliche.

 

I love new iPod apps

 

 

I hate the fact that I've never had an actual photobooth strip in my hands.

 

I love friendly conversations 'bout important topics.

 

I hate offending people.

 

I love mythology.

 

I hate Olympian-sized affairs and murders.

 

I love Sherlock Holmes.

 

I hate the Reinbach Fall.

 

I love On Direction dance parties in parking lots.

 

I hate people who stare at said dance parties.

 

I love perfect days in October.

nothing without Providence*

*motto of Colorado

via

Aunt Debbie went to be with our Lord this past week. Honestly, it really didn't sink in until last night, when I sobbed quietly in my bed. Funny how you only need one good cry for everything to be in perspective.

Things have had the usual numbness since Dad informed us we'd be heading out to Colorado for the funeral. All I've wanted to do this week is read sad books, listen to sad songs, and watch television shows to get my mind off matters. It's partly working, but taking one look at my dad or mom's face brings me back to reality. Then you pass strangers in public who smile at you, or a friendly waiter cracks a joke, and for whatever reason you feel like bursting out in to tears. It's the little things that set you off, you know?

via

 But God is good, and we have the means to visit Aunt Debbie's family this week. We'll be driving cross country, and this East Coast gal is ready to see Kansas plains, the St. Louis Arch, and Colorado mountains. And who knows? Maybe we'll get the chance to swing through a certain town in Kentucky *wink wink*

It may seem odd to say---but I'm getting good at dealing with death around me. I pray it never becomes commonplace, but at least a loved one's passing doesn't shock me in to paralysis anymore.

You followers have been wonderful! Upon my return, I should have lots of pictures, detailing my trip 'round our beautiful America.

forever yours,
-L

to you

but since I'm not, just read away and figure out if I'm talking to you or not. 

Hey big sister. I miss you, even though you're just a shadow from the past. I haven't written to you in ages, but I'm pretty sure you still have a place saved for me up there, right inbetween you and Mom-mom. It's true, I question God's decision to take you so soon---but good gravy, I can't wait to meet you. 

 You're my best friend. I mean, how long have we known each other? Pretty much our entire lives, right? Things have changed for me over the years, but never you. You've always been the smile I needed on sad days, the level head on hyper days, and had a semi-sarcastic laugh every other one. I can't tell you how happy I am now that you and Aiden have started to become awkward friends, for you both mean a lot to me. I honestly can't imagine my life without you. 

oh my soul sister....where would I be without you? Very lost, and I doubt I'd smile every time I hear Stellar Kart lyrics. I used to wonder what it would be like to know someone who was exactly like me---yeah, it feels like this :) I think about our future plans like every single day, and seeing the wicked cool collage you made for me gets me oh-so-psyched for life during/after college. Yeah, I pretty much thank God for you every single day.

you're my confidant; at least, that's what I like to call you in my mind. How many random, fast phone calls have we had in the past year and a half? Even ones after midnight, with my eyes drooping, giggling over ridiculous things only you find funny. Awkward things seem commonplace with you, like I'm talking to a family member. In fact, you are kind of like my older sister, in a funky way ;) Thank you, dear, for introducing me to Owl City, Doctor Who, and countless other amazing things. I love you oh-so-much.

This is kind of a general one---but oh my goodness, I miss you girls. We started out as innocent girls, who just wanted to play soccer. Now where are we? There are so many things I wish I could have changed, said, and done. You're all spread out today, and I've only talked with one or two of you since that last day. I've had constant dreams about you all, that somehow morph in to nightmares. I miss the times and jokes we had, and sometimes I cry, thinking of our mingled pasts. I miss the old us, and the sisters you used to be to me.




You're my best guy friend, aside from that other special dude *wink wink* But really, I would have gone insane long ago if you weren't in my life. You get this hilarious tone in your voice and are just like, "Okay Kat, calm down now---everything will be all right." And, of course, it always is. Thanks for putting up with my randomness, really bad jokes, and sometimes dumbfounded expressions. You're an awesome guy, and I hope we're friends forever.

  
 My first best friend, and one of the only people I can really 'catch up with' and there's no awkwardness! I still find pictures of us in our soccer uniforms and smile, or the one of us washing dishes in your kitchen. Ah, we were so cute!! Please, stay in my life.

I remember seeing you for the first time and thinking, "Wow, she looks really cool!" And you still are. I often wonder why in the world you spent so much time with me, that dorky eleven-year old who just wanted to make music videos. Thank you for never making me feel younger than you *hugs* You're in college, which is weird---Psych marathon during your break?



 
You, my peeps, are so very special to me. It's my last year to be around you guys every week, and I'm going to miss everything about y'all!!! Two minute conversations between classes; crazy laughs in science or composition; super fast hugs; those stairs I'm pretty sure everyone has fallen down at some point. I'll never forget you guys, ever. Cross my heart, hope to die, throw a softball in my eye. 

 Hi. You're the most wonderful boy I've ever known, and I can honestly say I've liked you since that first scary day. I didn't think it was possible---but I fall even harder for you every time I see you. Thanks for being you.

it's a fine, fine life

  1. No really, it is. It may be an upside-down life, but it's still pretty fine. With my parents out of state visiting Aunt Debbie, the boys and I are bunking at Grandma/Grandpa's. I love spending time with them, and learning more about our family history {like, my great grandma as a telephone operator in the city; my great-grandpa a steel welder...and somehow, they met and fell in love. can someone say short story?!?}

 

2. Oh good, summer's over. I've gotten plenty of flack for that statement, but I know deep down y'all agree with me. Can someone say cute sweater time? Oh, and my last year of classes has begun. It's so weird, realizing I'm that 'big girl' taking Comp IV {always reserved for the seniors}. I haven't quite reached that status yet, but still! After this year, I'll only be a visitor---one of those who's moved on. How am I old enough to have reached this point? Glack, time creeps up on us.

   

3. Once again, I realize just how much I love my brothers. A week with only them for entertainment has really made that clear. They're actually funny, when they're not poking fun at me over certain boys, my  friends, and the silly things I do every so often.

    

4. So there's this guy. No, he's not the Doctor {see below}, though he actually reminds me of David Tennant {not pictured}. He's got crazy cool glasses, makes ten minute speeches on dirt {while still sounding interesting} and is basically the coolest boy in the world. We're those two who aren't really a couple, since I can't date until next year---but of course, everyone thinks of us as one anyway. Can't say I really mind, since I like him and he likes me and it's awkward anyways so why don't we just enjoy our awkwardness together?

 
5. Tenth Avenue North is definitely my favorite band. I'm hoping you guys have listened to their new album? Every song is a bam one, and I've loved comparing this album to their others. A Midsummer Station, courtesy of Owl City, is pretty swinging as well. Silhouette is sticking out most to me right now. You should definitely look it up (:



6. I like hugs, I'm finding out. There's just something about a person wrapping you up and not letting you free for a few seconds. In those seconds you smile, smell, listen, and breathe. All right next to a person. It's a rather fascinating process, when you stop and think about it. The different types of hugs, depending on who it is/what the scenario is like is kind of cool.




7. I'm turning in to a smorgasbord of British television shows! Sherlock, Downton Abbey, Wives and Daughters, Merlin---I'm changing because of it. As in, I hardly notice British accents, I'm shipping about ten couples right now, and all I want to drink is tea. Not the worst obsession in the world, I suppose.


 {oh, and this song is beautiful and sad and totally worth four minutes of your time}

-L

powerless

listening to: The Struggle, Tenth Avenue North's newest album.

'Bout a month ago, my dad's sister was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Since Mom-mom passed, Aunt Debbie's been the matriarch of Dad's clan. Oh, and did I mention she lives five states away? So when we got the news, we couldn't even hop in the car and go see her. This is the woman whose laugh sounds just like Mom-mom's and shares my dad's smile. I only see her every two years or so, but somehow I still feel close to her. At family gatherings, when Aunt Debbie called in, I was the only kid who got the chance to talk with her. She's one of those people who just lights up a room, much like Dad and Mom-mom.
And now she's going through chemo, with just my uncle and two cousins to comfort her. I mean, they're her immediate family, but we're the extended portion---and seeing my father hide his fear for Aunt Debbie is such a struggle.

 

We were watching Doctor Who; me, Owen, and Mom. The phone rang, so Mom answered. She says hello to the other line, then goes quiet. With the show paused, I glance at Mom. Her face is rather pale, and her mouth is open, in a literal 'O.' It's her sister, Deborah---calling to say the doctor's have found cancer. She goes to the oncologist tomorrow, where she'll learn more. For an hour, Mom alternates between laughing and crying as she takes in what's happening to her older sister. I'm just in disbelief, and a flash of what life would be like without my crazy, hoarse-voiced aunt goes through my mind. Cursing my sick imagination, I push the thought away. Mom hangs up and starts sobbing. I hug her tight, wishing with all my heart I could do something to make her feel better.

I'm powerless to heal my two aunts of their cancer. I'm powerless to hug the sickness right out of them. I'm powerless to ensure they both believe that Jesus died for them. I'm powerless to keep my parents from crying in the middle of the night, when we kids can't hear. I'm powerless to make the potential sadness stay away. All I can do is watch my mom and dad suffer through the next few months, along with my aunts.

And that's what scares me most: my loved ones suffering.

I've got my Lord to comfort me; I can handle just about anything. But not knowing if my afflicted family and friends are turning to Him in their pain/grief breaks my heart. If I could, I'd honestly take their sadness in to my own heart and pray for strength to bear it. But yeah, that's kind of impossible.

I'm powerless. And it isn't a good feeling.

gosh, I hate that one word

You know, the word that leaves your heart open to ridicule, makes your voice go all soft, and gives you the feeling that everyone else in the world is way smarter than you.
Confused? Here's a hint......sorry.
So, it's more of a phrase. I'm sorry.

 I'm sorry for ditching y'all. I'm sorry for being a horrible follower myself. I'm sorry for not responding to emails, pertaining to certain blogs *cough, Raquel* I'm sorry for that really long story in the last post. I'm sorry if it made you cry {seriously, not my intent}. I'm sorry if you lovely, beautiful, sweet followers thought I really had abandoned you {or simply died. there's always that, I suppose}.
Anyway, I'm sorry. I don't even have a really good excuse for being absent, other than a lack of creativity. It's summer, so for the most part I have time on my hands. When I'm not working, attending camp, or reading, that is. Or, creating silly collages to show just how busy I've been *exaggerated wink*

 Successfully made a brownie in a mug /// Hanging out with the little cousins a whole lot /// Eating lots of popsicles in my new bedroom /// Buying too many pairs of sunglasses and taking too many pictures of moi /// Waiting eagerly for the London Olympic Games, whilst wearing an actual necklace from that lovely city {thank you, wonderful people who know they are} /// sibling bonding during a soccer game on television

summer, could you just never leave? kthanksbye.


-L
o.y. I pinky-promise to write an actual post, once my thoughts are snatched from the wind.

heavenly princess

In your life you meet people. Some  you never think about again. Some you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do /// C.S. Lewis

The story I'm telling you revolves a lot around this quote. God puts people in our lives for different reasons. I believe that, sometimes, those you've known for only a short time become an instant part of your heart. This story is like that.

~*~

June of my eighteenth year, I had no plan in life. Highschool was done, but college wasn't a part of my current plan. So I did what any other kid with no life does: I got a job. I was a secret dork, so a bookstore seemed like the perfect place to go. Plus, I knew I wouldn't see my usual crowd at a civilized place like that.

My first month on the job, I noticed something rather interesting. Every Monday, at 2:10 pm, a girl would enter the store with her mom. And when I say 2:10, I mean exactly on the dot. This girl was never late by more than a few seconds. From my station at the checkout counter, I would see her come in, inhale deeply, then head straight for the children's section. Her mom would browse the self-help sections for twenty minutes {once again, an exact calculation} until the girl reappeared at her side. They never bought anything; just walked back out the door. The third time this happened, I caught a smile from the girl. For some reason, this gesture from someone half my age made my day.

It was July before I got up the nerve to talk to this girl. That sounds corny, right? A boy, practically an adult, who feels nervous about approaching a nine-year old? But, after all, one can't be creepy when trying to discover more about kids, especially with their moms just a few aisles away.

I made sure to save my shelving in the children's section for Monday at 2:08. Two minutes later, I saw the girl enter, go through her breathing routine, and start in my direction. I tried to appear busy as I watched her take a book from the fantasy section and sit on the floor, back leaning against the bookshelf. She gently opened the cover and turned to an exact page, somewhere in the middle. I realized she must have been reading the same book, in small portions, for the past month.

Hoping not to startle her, I cleared my throat. "So, you enjoying that book?" The girl looked up at me and grinned.

"I told Mommy you'd figure me out," she said, grinning. I moved a bit closer. Her eyes were soft blue, and her blond hair fell only to her shoulders. She wore a baseball cap with JESUS written in bold letters. Her appearance was like any other little girl's, including the book of fairy tales in her lap. I craned my neck to see her place. "Ah, The Princess and the Pea. I can't say that was one of my favorites."

The girl laughed. "That's probably because you're a boy! Boys always seem to like the stories about sword fights and pirates." She looked back down at the page. "But I like princesses better, especially secret ones." Her face was serious as she added, "Secret princesses who were once nobodies too."

In hindsight, I can see that it was the Holy Spirit who pushed me to sit beside her and talk about our favorites stories. But at that moment, all I knew was this little girl needed a friendly discussion about why wolves always seemed to get a bad rep. We were both so engrossed that at first we didn't notice her mom standing in front of us. My watch read 2:37 as I jumped up, hoping her mom wouldn't see me as a weirdo.

I only got an arched eyebrow and a cautious smile. Then her gaze turned to her daughter. "Callie, it's time to leave---we're already late."
Callie’s shoulders slumped, but she obeyed. She got to her feet, a bit slowly, and handed her book to me. Will you put this back for me,” she peered at my name tag, “Nathanael?”
I took the book. “You can call me Nate.”
Callie grabbed her mother’s hand. “Thanks, Nate.” Then, over her shoulder: “See you next week!”
And see her I did, ever Monday that summer. Our twenty minute fairy tale sessions was the highlight of my week, as we went through book after book. Talking with Callie, I felt myself opening up and laughing more. I was reminded of how wonderful it is to be young, and have an imagination untarnished by outside distractions.

~*~

One week, Callie came in to the store with a short-sleeved shirt on. Before, she had always been wearing a sweatshirt or jacket. What made me notice were the bruises up and down her small arms. I left her reading a new book about dragons and went to confront her mother. I’m afraid my tone was rather harsh as I asked about the bruises. To my surprise, Callie’s mom made a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob. “You mean, after all these months, she hasn’t told you?”
They stayed that day until 2:45 as Callie’s mom explained it to me: Callie had a bone cancer. Mondays she attended chemotherapy, and the trip to the bookstore was truly the only good thing in her day. I don’t know how I kept from crying as she described the different processes used to test and treat Callie. When she finally stopped talking, there was a lump in my throat, too large for me to reply with words. I simply went back to Callie, still reading about dragons, and hugged her. That was the only way I could express my feelings to my brave little friend.

After that Monday, the weeks slipped by too fast for my liking. Callie stayed away from the topic of her sickness, but we did talk about her love for fairy tales. She told me she enjoyed reading about worlds where cancer didn’t exist, and how she didn’t feel so confused toward God when she read about princesses who always had happy endings.
“Jesus loves me, and I love Jesus…..but sometimes I wish He hadn’t let me have cancer,” she once told me. Her voice wavered. “At least I know I’ll go to Heaven. That’s a good thing, right Nate?” For the first time, I saw tears in her blue eyes. “I’m sure there are loads of princesses in Heaven. Jesus loves princesses, even if they are secret ones.” I felt no shame in holding Callie in my arms as I whispered, “No, Jesus loves all princesses---especially ones named Callie.”

~*~

Mrs. Washton had said Callie’s treatments would continue until September, when they would find out a new diagnosis. And when September 13th rolled around, it was decided that Callie would go to Saint Jude’s Children’s Hospital. Five states and a few hundred dollars worth of plane tickets away, I knew it would be a long while before Callie and I read any more stories together.

On our last Monday, Callie and I read The Princess and the Pea one more time. At 2:28, as she slid the book back on the shelf, I stopped and handed it back to her. “Take it, and read aloud to the other kids at Saint Jude’s.” My voice was hoarse. “Think of it as an early Christmas present.”

Our good-bye is a memory so precious to me, I can’t even describe it to you. Just know that when that little girl walked out of my store, a part of my heart went with her.

And so life went on, as I tried to figure out what normal felt like. Eventually, it meant attending the Bible study that met at a local church. Though I couldn’t explain everything to them, the group was encouraging as I came to know the God who had brought a little princess into my life.
Thanksgiving passed, then Christmas, until suddenly Easter was over. My last email from Mrs. Washton was several weeks old, but I didn’t worry. Latest news was Callie’s progression was average, and the doctors might even send her home for the summer. I had stopped working at the bookstore, but I made my co-workers swear to call me if Callie and Mrs. Washton came in.

~*~

I celebrated my birthday with family and a girl from my Bible study, Ava. She was the only person I talked with about Callie, and the only person who knew the entire story. As we got closer, I tried to avoid the attraction I felt toward her. After all, I had enough to worry about, thinking of Callie and wondering about God! The last thing I needed was romance---or so I thought.

We had our first date July 11th, a year and five days since I’d met Callie. I had planned a picnic in the park, then some window-shopping along the downtown strip. I knew we would have to pass the bookstore, and I half-hoped Ava would want to stop. That may have been the moment I fell in love with her: when she touched my arm lightly and murmured, “Show me where you read to her.”
We went inside and I inhaled deeply, as Callie would. I led Ava to the children’s section, but stopped before I reached the fantasy shelves. Ava looked at me curiously, then turned to follow my gaze. A woman sat on the floor, books spread out all around her. Even before she lifted her head, I knew it was Mrs. Washton. I rushed forward to help her up. “Where’s Callie? When did you two fly in? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I could have picked you up at the airport!” The words were flying out of my mouth, yet Mrs. Washton remained silent. It took a tired smile, a tear rolling down her cheek, and a book being pushed in to my hands before I understood.
“Oh, Nate,” she choked. “Callie wouldn‘t let me tell you, though she so wanted to see you.”
I may have stopped breathing, for both Ava and Mrs. Washton put a hand on my shoulders.
“The treatment stopped working about a month ago, but I didn’t have enough money for a plane trip home.” Mrs. Washton shook her head. “Callie took it so well; everyone in the ward was amazed. She told all the nurses, ‘I’ll be in Heaven pretty soon, and Jesus will make me a real princess.’”
That is when I lost it. Memories of talking with Callie about princesses, Heaven, and Jesus came back, sharp and clear. I sank to the floor, eyes fixed on the book in my hands. The Princess and the Pea; the exact copy I had given Callie last fall. Mrs. Washton knelt beside me and opened the front cover. Inside was a picture of Callie, with her beautiful smile and hairless head. Her eyes were exactly as I had remembered them: sparkly and brilliantly blue. Below the image was a handwritten paragraph, one that I have committed to heart.

Dear Nate,
    I wish I could sit with you again, and you could read me more stories. Mommy says we can’t go home, but I guess that’s okay. I think you know Jesus now, so I’ll get to see you in Heaven someday. I’ll make sure He gives you a big crown, and you can be my prince. I’ll help you pick out a nice outfit, one that matches my princess dress. I promise it won’t be pink!
         Bye-bye, Nate. I’m giving you this book back, so you can read it to other little princesses you meet.
        Love,
    Callie

~*~

The funeral was in Tennessee, so I was not able to attend. The day before she left, Mrs. Washton stopped by my home. We sat in the living room, starting at The Princess and the Pea on the coffee table. There was a strained silence, until Mrs. Washton shifted I nher chair.
“Nate, I won’t be returning, after this trip. There’s a job opportunity in Memphis, which means I’d be able to volunteer at Saint. Jude’s.” She pushed the book closer to me. “I may never see you again, so please don’t forget me, and especially don’t forget Callie. She truly loved you, Nathanael.”

~*~

I am telling you this story to prove that, fifteen years later, I have not forgotten. Ava is my queen; our two sons my knights; I even have my own little princess whom I read The Princess and the Pea to--- but Callie will forever be my heavenly princess.

not much of a status, huh?

Saw this the other day, and I about laughed out loud.

I remember, as a kid, going through my brand spankin' new Crayola crayon box and picking out the colors I liked best. There were a few I didn't care for, like magenta and dandelion {I mean, really?}. And then, there was that one crayon I just felt sorry for---the white one.

Scoff if you wish, but I really did pity the white crayon! It was always the one to stay sharp for just about forever, and I only used it so it wouldn't feel bad. I was an interesting child.

Enter this thought-worthy status. Once again, I identify with the white crayon. Bless the person who created this, for it fits me exactly.

I'm not exactly single, nor am I 'taken.' No, I get about as much attention as a white crayon.......but I don't mind now. If I were blue-green, orange, or magenta, I'd have {metaphorically speaking} kids grabbing for me all over. And with my character, that would make me puff up with pride.

Nah, I'm a white crayon. Because of this, I only attract certain people. Certain special, wonderful people, who see the rather interesting girl, peeking out from behind her white crayon exterior.

Single-not really
Taken-not exactly
Found someone who appreciates white crayons-Maybe so ♥

love always,

-L 

strong//weak

 

I received a comment recently, about me being a strong Christian. I felt like laughing and crying; laughing, because I'm really not strong; crying, because something made that person believe I am strong.

 Confession: I'm not strong. I'm poor, bitter, tired and very, very weak. I disgust myself with the way I treat others and what my thoughts are about. I buckle under pressure, and I give in to things, even when I know I shouldn't. I am weak. 

To the world, weakness is a horrible thing. We are taught to hold back our tears, hide our pain, and not let anyone in. We put on masks that say, "Everything's roses and sun beams, and I'm the strongest person in the world!"

But behind every smile, even the most sincere, there's a weak person. It's human nature---God created us to need Him. And when one tries to find strength in other things, one slowly loses any chance of being strong. 

In his {second} letter to the Corinthians, Paul writes about false strength and being humbled by weaknesses: "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me /// 2 Corinthians 12:7-9

There are days when the Holy Spirit fills me, and I feel strong for a while. But if I get too full of myself, God gently reminds me how weak I am....and how I depend wholly on Him. 

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness /// 2 Corinthians 11:30

I feel weak when I think of my academic future.

I feel weak when I compare myself to other girls.

I feel weak when I think about my sinfulness.

I feel weak when I pay attention to world news.

I feel weak when I go without reading the Word.
I feel weak when I think about Satan.
I feel weak when change happens in my life.
I constantly feel weak. But now I boast in it, for He has made me strong through my weaknesses.

-L

a wake up call {of the lovey-dovey sort}

all images via

Let me be honest: I've thought a lot about my future. As you, my dear followers, know more than most. And naturally, high up in my thoughts about 'someday' is my future husband.

I can't tell you how many times I've thought, Goodness, I wish I could get past this awkward teenager stage, and just get on with my life! I want to be married, not dating; to have a husband, not a boyfriend; to be in a forever love, not just a summer fling.

 

I'm guessing a few of you have thought that too. And whether it's because you haven't found anyone you can imagine marrying, or things in that part of your life are just too jumbled to even comprehend, you're with me on the whole, "God, can I please just find My Guy already?" issue.

'cause we all want this

Isn't so tempting to fall into this mindset? I want My Guy, even if we can't really be married for a few years. I just want him to know how much I love him! Sometimes, I think that I'm ready for that relationship....well, until God intervenes. *wry grin*

 

 Oh, our Lord. He's got pretty impeccable timing, huh? Just when I think I'm mature enough to handle a man's love, He brings something to my attention that completely changes my outlook on relationships.

This is My Guy, summed up in someone else's words. They're very nice words, aren't they? And oh-so-true. But what really got me thinking were those last three sentences. Give me your hands so I'll always be able to pray for him. Give me Your eyes so I can see good things in him. Give me Your mouth that is filled with wisdom so that I can support him.

I read those words again, then give myself a good look in my proverbial mirror. The results are quite hideous. Why should I expect to love and be loved in return by a special dude when I can't even show that love to my own family? If I can't pray for my own friends, how can I expect to pray for My Guy? If I can't see something good in every person I meet, how would I see good things in him? And if I can't let God's loving words come through my mouth to my little brothers, why should He give me a guy?

Oh, conviction. Nasty little bugger, huh? But honestly---if I want the type of man described above, I've got to be a woman as described in Proverbs 31. I really need to get closer to God, and learn His ways, before I allow myself to become truly romantically involved.

dear Beloved,
I may know you already, I may not.....but I just want you to know I'm taking these next few years to become the woman God wants me to be. I'm not ready to love you in that way, but I do love you, as the silly sixteen year-old that I am. Please be patient as I strive to become more like Him, and figure out how to be the woman you deserve.
always yours,

-L

soon will eventually be now

I've been trying to learn contentment lately. More specifically, contentment in staying home.

Y'all know me--I'm that girl who's happiest when she's in the car, with her family, driving to some place she's never been. I'm the girl who keeps up with the current prices of plane tickets {crazy, by the way} and occasionally visits tour guide websites. The girl who sighs whilst reading Facebook statuses and blog posts about trips to England, France, and Spain. Who wants to follow in Mom-mom's footsteps, accompanied by her soul sister. The girl who wants to see everything this world has to offer.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose.

-Ecclesiastes 3:1

 

But this girl {hey guys} also knows God is good, and He has a season for every thing I'll do in life. He's given me a dream of traveling, and I know He won't let that dream die. And while it's hard to say to myself, "Just wait a little longer," I believe waiting makes the prize even better. It's like waiting for anything in life, 'cept this dream takes a bit of money, involves a lot of planning, and will be a totally new experience.

Soon is my new favorite word. Soon I'll have my driver's license. Soon I'll have a real job. Soon I'll be an adult. Soon I'll be old enough to date. Soon I'll be traveling the world.

Ah, what a thought.

-L

"our love is like the wind---I can't see it, but I feel it"

No, I'm talking about romantic love here--- I mean the love God has for me.

When wind rushes past me and through my hair, it's like God is giving me a great big hug. Every wind has its own speed, touch, and smell, reminding me of how marvelous God is. Breezes on summer evenings {making me peaceful} and April afternoons {with the soothing aroma of flowers}, an October gale {making me feel alive} and that special wind before a storm {giving me shivers and goosebumps}.

This is the most poignant way, other than music, that I feel God with me. Like my blog name states: God snatched me from the wind of this crazy world and set me in a meadow of love. I can still sometimes feel the bitterness and anger of the outside, but He keeps me safe with His own breezes and gales.

And He will send His angels with a loud trumpet call, 

and they will gather His elect from the four winds, 

from one end of the Heavens to the other /// Matthew 24:31

The ways God uses to touch my heart are simply awesome. And by awesome, I mean literally they inspire awe in me. He's just so good, ya know?

He makes winds His messengers,

flames of fire His servants /// Psalm 104:4 

 it's official....our God rocks. 

-L

haven't seen Avengers, but I'm still pretty happy

1. It's starting to feel like summer 'round here. Which, of course, means catching up on all the books I haven't been able to read. A short list includes the Harry Potter series {re-reading, 'cause it's awesome}, Edith Hamilton's Mythology {preparing for Comp IV next year}, Charles Dickens's Little Dorrit {leftover from my birthday} and anything else that catches my eye at the library {which includes a lot of different genres}.
I have a feeling a Harry Potter move marathon is in my future as well. My poncho pals and I have been talking about doing one for the longest time, and now that Emily's seen the first one, it's time to draw her in completely *wink wink*

I'll be doing this ;)

2. Of course, the end of school brings about lots of highschool graduations. And while it may be exciting for those who are moving on, it's hard to be the friend left behind. Hmm, that sounded harsh---but y'all know what I mean! When an older friend graduates and is done with highschool, you get this little twisty feeling in your heart, like, Oh, they're so grown up now. I guess they won't need my friendship anymore. 
Thankfully, that fear gets banished by God reminding me that friends in Him are friends forever, even if you don't see them every week. Besides, some pretty important people are coming back next year, so I'm not left totally alone.

what I'm giving Robert/Emily for their graduation gifts (:

3. Rude people annoy me to no end. Especially kids my age who are rude to their elders. C'mon peeps, that's just not cool. I'm thankful for parents who loved me enough to teach me good manners when I was little, and reprimand me every time I said or did something sassy. And I really don't think it has anything with being homeschooled! I know plenty of homeschoolers who make me cringe when they speak to adults, while lots of public school kids are kind and gracious. Basically, rude people and stereotypes annoy me to no end.

too many people forget this, though

4. Is it weird that I've been watching lots of 'kid' movies? Every chance I get, I escape to my basement and pop an old Disney or Veggie Tales movie into our VCR {yes, it still works}. For an hour or so, it's like I'm that little girl again who wore a ponytail on top of her head and didn't pay attention to boys, clothes, or the world in general. The songs, characters, and jokes from these movies make me happy for a time, and then I go on Tumblr and gush about how much I miss being young. Rough life, eh?

it's so much funnier in picture form

5. Introducing people to shows could be a permanent career for me! Technically speaking, I've brought the wonders of Doctor Who and Psych to at least four families! Which means I have more people to fangirl with. Mind you, my fangirling consists of repeating quotes over and over, and mimicking the Doctor's/Gus's voice. My British accent is getting better, and hanging out more with Josh, Robert, and Emily has helped immensely :)

the Rift...yikes!

So, I guess that's it. Blogging has become fun again, which is a blessing. I can't imagine deleting this blog, even when I'm old and gray. It's a wonderful testimony of how God's worked in my life.....and I shan't ever forget that.

yours forever,
-L

there's that word again

wait. 

It's a word most Christian girls hear every day. Wait for the right guy. Wait for your first kiss. Wait to give it all to your husband. Wait just a little longer, and it'll all turn out okay.

Now, before you roll your eyes and exit this page, hear me out for just a second. Or two, depending on how fast you read.

Up until about a month ago, I was that girl who groaned at the idea of waiting. I understood the importance, and knew I had no choice....but my heart and mind were growing impatient. Waiting for one's Guy is tough! Especially when it seems like most of your friends have found boys who could {quite possibly} be their Guys.....or when you think you've found the perfect Guy yourself.

Then things happen, words are spoken, times are had---and you find that waiting actually isn't that bad. In fact, waiting for wonderful things to occur is sometimes the best part of the experience.

It never goes like I thought it should and that's a real nice thing
'cause the Lord is good,
so I believe that the lesson I'll embrace is wait /// Fike

 

I laugh, remembering when {not so long ago} I felt like my imagination thought up the most perfect scenarios ever. Uh, that would be a negative. My own imaginings versus what turned out to be God's plan is like comparing fire and water. Yeah, that was a lame comparison. Anyways....

*waves hand in air* I'm living proof that waiting actually benefits you. And, hopefully, I'll be sharing my own 'testimony' on waiting, love, and stuff like that. But until then, please remember: when you put your trust in the One who loves you unconditionally, there's no doubt about everything fitting perfectly into place.

Trust in Him at all times, O people;

pour out your hearts to Him,

for God is our refuge /// Psalm 62:8 

yours always,
-L

it's so easy with a pen and paper

I'm not good with words. 

then, why in the world do you have a blog? 

Because I'm better at writing than I am at talking.

What is that supposed to mean? 

It means that when I do have a coherent thought I'd like to convey, I'd rather write it than speak it. 

Such as....

Such as telling someone how much they mean to me. 

Don't you tell people you love them?

Yeah, every day. But often, the words "I love you" don't seem to be enough.

Like an, "actions speak louder than words" kind of thing?

No, it's more like I show the love, but I can't really explain why I love someone. And for me, that's a pretty important step I'm missing! 

~*~

I talk a lot, but oftentimes my words don't contain much. At least, the ones that come through my mouth. It's so much easier to write down the reasons I love someone, and then never show it to them. That way I can let go of the pressure held on my heart by the guilt of just saying "I love you."

Maybe, now that this romantic thing is hyping up, I'll get a bit better at expressing why I love the people in my life. Until then, to all of you people who've made my life wonderful...

I love you.

Hopefully, I'll get to tell you why someday.

always yours,

-L

physical and emotional absence explained

 I've been lazy with this blog of mine, it's true. Honestly though, I have been trying to think of things to write about! But I'm not God, therefore it's hard to organize the galaxy of my mind

Even when life is at its regular pace, it seems like my brain is moving a million miles an hour. Not cool when you're trying to come up with a readable, enjoyable blog post.

So many things are happening in my life, yet I don't feel ready to talk about them yet. And yeah, you could say I'm a bit scared of these occurrences. Most of them are wonderful, all of them exciting---but as always, change is a worrisome thing for me. Especially when some of these changes also rest upon another person, and not just my own understanding. *raises eyebrow* Ooooh, you're intrigued now, aren't you? Well sorry, but you're just gonna have wait a wee bit longer to get that information.

I just wanted y'all to know how much I appreciate each and every one of you. I can always count on your comments to make me smile, even if my day is a complete blah.

Hopefully, with summer coming ever closer, life will slow down enough so I can catch up, breathe, and write about all that's happened in the last six months. Until then,

just keep waiting,

just keep praying.

love always {and forever},

-L

 o.y. Happy Mother's Day to the most wonderful, beautiful woman I know. I love you, Mommy.

and so the controversy continues

So, like, this is me. Talking to you all. In one of the most non-accents you can have *chuckles*
Sorry if I seem a bit nervous at some points, or drift off into random conversation....I'm like that in real life, too.

WORDS: Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel,

Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both,

 Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise,

Syrup, Pajamas, Caught

QUESTIONS:

What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?

What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?

What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?

What do you call gym shoes?

What do you say to address a group of people?

What do you call the kind of spider (or spider-like creature) that has an

oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?

What do you call your grandparents?

What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you

carry groceries at the supermarket?

What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

Yeah, so that's it. If you decide to do this challenge, be sure to put a link to your post in a comment! I love seeing how different everyone's accents are. (:

love always,
~Lily

just thinking about a guy I'll someday call my own

He would be taller than me {this is negotiable, of course}

He'd love writing letters {especially ones full of love}

He'd have strong arms {for holding me when I'm scared/sad/tired}

He'd call me dear {and sing this song to me} 






He'd have sharp hearing {for when the tea kettle whistles}

He'd be like my dad {the best man I know}

 He'd dance like me {aka, complete and utter lack of coordination}

He'd have great taste in music {aka, exactly like mine ;)}

He'd get along great with my friends {after all, sistahs before mistahs}

He'd love all my favorite movies {and be able to quote them with me}

He'd play guitar {and be able to teach me}

He'd love kids {and want at least five} 

He'd love reading {and own hundreds of books}

He'd enjoy rainy days {spent inside, watching movies}

He'd love visiting London{and pretty much anywhere else in the world}

He'd love the outdoors {and camping with me}

He'd be my best friend {and have a special smile just for me}




and,

He'd be a man of God {non-negotiable}

I'm past making lists of what exactly my Guy will be like....but I figured I could make one of what I'd like him to be like. And even if he doesn't tick any of these boxes, he'll still be wonderful to me. After all, God doesn't make any typos with love stories. *dreamy smile*

love always,

~Lily