it's inside, it's inbetween

After that rather soul-bearing post, I'll bet most of you are expecting me to go on and on about how love makes me feel, what it's like to be in love, and how there's nothing like romantic love.

but that's not what I'm writing about.

Last night, God opened my eyes to what true love is. And to be honest, it's not the answer I was expecting.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. 

Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 

This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. 

This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."

~1 John 4:7-10

And there you have it. Love isn't just a feeling; love is an action. Love is an Almighty God giving His own Son to the world, that we might be saved from an eternal Hell.

Love isn't just having romantic feelings for one special person. Love is showing kindness and compassion to every person on earth, no matter the status of their health, wealth, or social life.

Love isn't just kisses and hugs. Love is doing what's best for a person, even when you don't necessarily benefit from it.

Continuing on in verse 19: We love because He first loved us.

Without God, there's no such thing as love. God is love! Love and God go hand-in-hand. You can't have one without the other.

This is what I'm learning, right now, as a teenage girl: it's okay to have 'lovey' feelings for a guy....but you have to also remember that love isn't just a boy-and-girl thing. It's a human thing. Which means we're supposed to love everyone, just as God loved us. Our love should be everywhere, just like God's is.

And that's what true love means to me.

I'm not usually like this....

so, I just stumbled upon this draft today {May 3, 2012} and figured I should post it, just to show myself how much I've grown in the past eight months.

Just in case anyone was wondering.....yes, I was the girl in the last post. ;) Yes, I've fallen 'in love' twice.....if that is the correct phrase to use. 

I mean, I got all the feelings and thoughts that love brings about, but how in love can I really be at age fifteen?

Just a day or two after I wrote that post, I got I Kissed Dating Good-bye by Joshua Harris in the mail. I had ordered last week---and my word, it could not have come at a better time.

In the book {which I highly recommend}, Joshua talks about pursuing friendships before romantic relationships, waiting and trusting God for His proper time, and just being happy with being single.

Even though I'm not allowed to date until I'm eighteen, this book has changed my life so much. Some things it's helped me decide to do are:

*focus on serving God here and now

*try my best to be a good sister to my brothers in Christ

*avoid anything that might make my brothers stumble

*stop wondering who My Guy is

*keep on trusting God

*make praying my #1 hobby

*pray for my future husband, whomever he may be

Now just because I agreed to the above things doesn't mean I feel any differently about the guys I mentioned last post. They're both wonderful, talented, funny, and handsome Christan guys. What has changed is how I act around them, think about them, and pray about/for them. I'm not gonna lie: these changes are going to be hard. After all, us girls like being around the boys we have feelings for. We imagine sitting beside them in a moonlit garden, with candles all around us and them whispering "I love you," in our ears.

But at this stage in our lives, my dears, I don't think this is what we should be doing. Sure, my old self might want to spend as much time alone with a guy as possible....but I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. And, for right now, no matter how much I want to dream about one of my guys being my husband, I know I just need to be their sister in Christ and keep supporting them. For if they don't end up being my husband, My Guy is still out there somewhere....and I don't want to have to tell him, "Oh yeah, honey, you're not the guy I wanted to marry at age fifteen....but I love you now!"

No. I want to leave my heart open for whomever God has in store for me. It's not going to be easy, especially now that I have two boys who make my heart feel fluttery every time they say my name! But God's got it all under control, and my heart is most safe in His hands.

once upon a time, there was a girl

Now, despite being one of the most romantic-minded people you'll meet, she had never been in love. She'd had a few crushes, some very dear to her, but she'd never gotten past that stage. She had friends who were in love and she would listen to them explain how wonderful it was....but she herself had never felt that in-love-feeling.

Until, one summer, she met a guy. They had a few mutual friends, and shared a similar passion. The first time the girl saw this guy, she fell.....hard. The second time they met, she fell even harder. And before she knew it, she was in love.

Though she was only fifteen years old, this girl knew that what she felt was more than a crush. Even though she had only met him a handful of times and barely knew him, she was head-over-heels for the way he smiled at her and how his laugh sounded when she said something funny.

But after the initial lovesickness wore off, she began to wonder some things: is this love real? is this guy the man I'm meant to marry? am I just wasting my time/feelings?

And so the wondering continued until fall came and her regular schedule started up again. She began to spend more time with a boy she'd know for years; a boy she had always kind of liked; a boy she hadn't seen for a few months. This boy entered her mind, making her doubt her feelings about the other guy even more.

Couple that with the fact that one of her classes was going over 'lasting love' and what it means to love someone, warts and all.....and she was utterly confused as to how strong this 'love' she felt for the first guy was. After all, she'd fallen in love pretty much at first sight. And while that is rather romantic, you don't tend to see a person's warts until you've known them for a while. Which, she thought to herself, described her relationship with the second guy. She'd known him for quite a while, knew how great he was, yet realized that he wasn't perfect either.

"So much for love," she thought to herself one night. All the thoughts and questions swirling around in her mind were making her practically insane. So, being the girl she is, she got up at midnight and wrote a post about her first encounter with that crazy thing called love.

ps--I'll have another post on love coming soon (:

a penny for my thoughts? oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar...

listening to: If I Die Young by the Band Perry

reading: Pride and Prejudice & A Tale of Two Cities

^^^^my life as of late.

School, revamping my room, and taking pictures of my Samwise Gamgee......and waiting for fall to officially arrive. We've had some chilly days, but I'm still waiting on that one perfect day that makes me want to say, "Hey, Fall's here.....must you ever leave?"

love always,

~Lily

"and oh, how He loves us.....oh"

 For the past week or so, God and I have been having a rocky time.

Check that: I've been having a rocky time. I've been wondering a lot about my future lately, and I have tons of questions......but not really any answers. Being the slight control-freak that I am, I like knowing what's coming; I like being prepared. But for things like college, jobs, and love, I have no idea what's coming.

I felt especially far from God on Sunday. Watching the memorial services on TV and seeing the grief-stricken faces on the 9/11 families made me almost angry with God.

The next few days consisted of me moping around, mad at myself for being angry with God {I think that made sense}. Then, on the way to classes yesterday, one of my favorite songs came on....and these lyrics hit home, big time.

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, 

I am a tree,
bending beneath the 

weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions 

eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just 

how beautiful You are,
And how great Your 

affections are for me. 

I could have kissed David Crowder's fuzzy, bearded face for writing those words above. That last stanza: and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me---wow. 

God loves me, even when I'm angry with Him. His love toward me will never change, even when my fickle feelings do. Another part of the song is this: if His grace is an ocean we're all sinking. 

We really are all sinking in the ocean of God's grace. He has no obligation toward us bratty, silly humans....and yet, He still loves us.
Isn't that amazing?

and so I'm right back here, with questions and anger in my heart

I'd like to say that 9/11 hasn't affected my life that much.....but it has.

I'd like to say that my feelings about 9/11 are the same as they were in this post.....but they've changed.

I'd like to say, with pride, that I've forgiven those terrorists who killed themselves and my fellow countrymen...but I can't.

I'd like to say that I finally understand why God let it happen.....but I really don't.

I'd like to preach to y'all, like I did last year, about how we should feel compassion for those terrorists who didn't know God....but how can I, when I still don't feel that compassion myself?

 I'd like to say that I stay strong emotionally when I hear stories about that day.....but I break down whenever I'm alone.

I'd like to say that I trust God completely with what happened ten years ago....but I haven't gotten that far yet.

I don't know if I'll ever truly forgive those people who committed such horrible, terrifying acts against my country. And, to be honest.....I don't want to.

And so, ten years later, I'm still stuck in the same place I was: I know I should forgive; I know I should just accept that it happened; that God has a plan for everything.

But my human heart just can't seem to do it.

happy September days....at the beach

Got back from the beach today. Yes, it's September.....my family is kind of crazy {in a good way} and so we really only go to the beach after Labor Day. Don't ask.....just better to go with it. ;)

My family is in the other room, watching the Saints vs. the Packers. Not quite sure who I want to win, as I'm still stinging from the Super Bowl.....*sighs* We'll just leave it up to God, eh?

I got a bad sunburn on my back, but hey----c'est la vie.....or at least, mon vie. Being part-Irish pretty much much means I get a sunburn whenever I step outside.

Classes start on Tuesday.....and I am freaking out!!!!! So much work....yet, I can't wait to see all my friends. :) I have a love-hate thing with my co-op: hate the work, love my friends. *shrugs* I guess it's that way with everyone.

Couldn't stop listening to this song while I was at the beach. It reminded me how much I love Adam Young's voice. His voice harmonizes so nicely with Rachel's! And, of course, the video just about makes me cry.

Just finished some delicious chocolate milk, made with love {sort of} by my younger brother. He's taller than me now, so I can't call him my little brother.....but at least I can punch him now. ;) ahhhh, I'm so evil.

so yeah....life is fine, God is great, and my sunburn really hurts. And I know I said no more random posts! But hey, I'm a random girl. Y'all are cool with that, right?

^^^^^soooo in love with this song.

love in Christ,

~Lily

the fear ensnares me

I hate the sound of sirens.

My neighborhood is close to a fire station, so I usually hear them a couple times a day. But I've never gotten used to them.

My mom started me on a 'tradition' where whenever we hear or see a fire engine/ambulance, we say a quick  prayer for everyone involved in whatever the emergency is.

I've always associated the sound of sirens with sickness, injury, and death. I shudder involuntarily whenever I hear the screeching, the wailing. For a split second, I wonder if someone I know is injured. I close my eyes and pray that, whatever happened, no one I love is involved.

Then I feel guilty for only thinking about myself. And so I pray even harder for those people; the people I'll never meet. I know that, whatever happens, God hears my prayers for the victims, and that it's all a part of His plan.

The cords of death entangled me;

the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.

The cords of the grave coiled around me;

the snares of death confronted me.

In my distress I called to the Lord;

I cried to my God for help.

From His temple He heard my voice;

my cry came before Him, into His ears.

~Psalm 18:4-6

It can be so easy to forget that God's got it all under control; that He knows the outcome of each and every disaster. That's why I'm thankful for verses like that one....God hears us, and He takes care of our worries.

thank you Lord, for always hearing us and being there for us.

August is over, therefore this is my last 'random' post for a while :)

I did this tag once before, almost exactly a year ago. And, I being the bored/lazy person that I am, decided to drag it out again. *sighs* Aren't I just brilliant? um, that was rhetorical, no need to answer.

1. High heels or boots? boots....heels are too uncomfortable.

2. What time did you get up this morning? 8:00

3. What was the last movie you saw at the theater? Captain America......*girly sigh* Such a good movie.

4. What is your maiden name? not married, so I don't feel like answering.

5. What is your favorite TV show? Psych or White Collar.....and yes, USA Network does make the best tv shows!!!

6. What do you usually have for breakfast? Cereal......real healthy, I know.

7. What is your middle name? too personal....besides, it takes some explaining, which I don't have time/space for here.
8. What food do you dislike? Beets, pepperoni, peanut butter.....among other things.

9. What is your favorite CD at the moment? it's this special Relient K cd called The First Three Gears, and I pretty much just play it all the way through. So totally awesome. :D

10. What characteristic do you despise? Phoniness and mean gossipers.

. 11. Favorite clothing? Jeans and a cozy sweater/sweatshirt.

12. Anywhere in the world on vacation? A nice, leisurely tour of Europe.

13. Are you an organized person? Well, I like to be organized, but usually I'm just too lazy.

14. Where would you retire to? Either a pretty farm where I can raise horses {like Kentucky ;)} or a little flat in England.

15. What was your most recent memorable birthday? My fourteenth birthday....my last with Mom-mom.

16. What are you going to do when you finish this? Run some errands......maybe including the bookstore :)

17. Furthest place you have ever been to? Which is further....Connecticut, or Florida?

18. Person you wish you could meet? Dead: C.S. Lewis and Audrey Hepburn. Alive: Laura Bush and Mike Donehey.

19. When is your birthday? October 14th.....so close!!!!

20. Are you a morning person or a night person? I'm probably more of a night person, as I hate waking up in the morning.

21. What is your shoe size? 8-81/2.

22. Do you own any animals? yes, my Sammy Gamgee

23. Any news you'd like to share? I AM TIRED OF SUMMER. There, that's all. ;)

24. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? A veterinarian, or a bookshop owner.

25. What is your favorite flower? Queen Anne's Lace and gerber daisies.
26. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? October 12th....Psych comes back! And, of course, my birthday.

28. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Sea green
29. How is the weather right now? pretty nice, actually.

30. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Bleah, I do believe. :)
31. Favorite drink? Strawberry lemonade, Sprite, and peppermint tea.

32. Favorite restaurant? I'm currently craving something from Texas Roadhouse.
33. Hair color? Still brown, but the little wisps of my bangs are blondish..
34. What was your favorite toy as a child? My stuffed dog Pepper and my American Girl dolls.
35. Spring, summer, fall, or winter? Fall, then spring, then winter, then summer....I love them all, just more than some.

36. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate.....duh.

37. Coffee or tea? definitely tea.

38. Wish you were still young? In some ways, yes, I wish I were younger.
39. Do you want to get married? yes...unlike some *cough* people I know.

40. When was the last time you cried? I cried after WorldViews, but I've cried again since then....*shrugs* pretty personal question.
41. What is under your bed? junk, my suitcase, and my journal. sssshhhh, don't tell! ;)
42. What did you do last night? soccer practice. Oh, and I had some pretty crazy and exciting dreams.

43. What are you afraid of? losing my friends and failing my family.

44. Salty or sweet? I'm in a mood right now...so I'll go sweet.

45. Best quality you have? I {almost} always have a smile on my face, and I try to always make others feel welcome.

46. How many years at your current job? Been babysitting for almost four years.

47. Favorite day of the week? Still Thursday.

48. Favorite movie? Soul Surfer, Tangled, and Pride and Prejudice.

49. Have you ever had a crush on anyone? *giggles* um, yeah. And no, I'm not going to tell you who!!!
50. Do you like finding out all this stuff about your friends? Why, indeed! That's why I'm tagging all of my followers....I want to find out more about you. 

And He is.....He is strong enough to save us.