I'm not usually like this....

so, I just stumbled upon this draft today {May 3, 2012} and figured I should post it, just to show myself how much I've grown in the past eight months.

Just in case anyone was wondering.....yes, I was the girl in the last post. ;) Yes, I've fallen 'in love' twice.....if that is the correct phrase to use. 

I mean, I got all the feelings and thoughts that love brings about, but how in love can I really be at age fifteen?

Just a day or two after I wrote that post, I got I Kissed Dating Good-bye by Joshua Harris in the mail. I had ordered last week---and my word, it could not have come at a better time.

In the book {which I highly recommend}, Joshua talks about pursuing friendships before romantic relationships, waiting and trusting God for His proper time, and just being happy with being single.

Even though I'm not allowed to date until I'm eighteen, this book has changed my life so much. Some things it's helped me decide to do are:

*focus on serving God here and now

*try my best to be a good sister to my brothers in Christ

*avoid anything that might make my brothers stumble

*stop wondering who My Guy is

*keep on trusting God

*make praying my #1 hobby

*pray for my future husband, whomever he may be

Now just because I agreed to the above things doesn't mean I feel any differently about the guys I mentioned last post. They're both wonderful, talented, funny, and handsome Christan guys. What has changed is how I act around them, think about them, and pray about/for them. I'm not gonna lie: these changes are going to be hard. After all, us girls like being around the boys we have feelings for. We imagine sitting beside them in a moonlit garden, with candles all around us and them whispering "I love you," in our ears.

But at this stage in our lives, my dears, I don't think this is what we should be doing. Sure, my old self might want to spend as much time alone with a guy as possible....but I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. And, for right now, no matter how much I want to dream about one of my guys being my husband, I know I just need to be their sister in Christ and keep supporting them. For if they don't end up being my husband, My Guy is still out there somewhere....and I don't want to have to tell him, "Oh yeah, honey, you're not the guy I wanted to marry at age fifteen....but I love you now!"

No. I want to leave my heart open for whomever God has in store for me. It's not going to be easy, especially now that I have two boys who make my heart feel fluttery every time they say my name! But God's got it all under control, and my heart is most safe in His hands.