Stellar Kart gets my heart

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time thinking about things other than God. Don't get me wrong---God's been in my life, but He hasn't quite been my entire focus. And, in the end, God is the only one who matters.

Don't take this the wrong way.

You're so perfect.

And everything tells me you're so worth it.

I want to get to know God better.....but for some reason, I'm finding it kind of hard to get in touch, truly, with God. I know it's got something to do with me...perhaps it's laziness. Check that: it's probably laziness.

Spending time with you.

Not a moment goes by.

That you're

not by my side.

I can always feel God with me. Whether it's a song He sends, a verse He shows me, or something wonderful that happens, God never fails to show me His love and how much He cares. So why do I still feel like I'm missing something here?

Spending time with you.

You're all that I want.

Why's it so hard to do

 I know God is with me, I love Him, and I try to give Him all my time and heart.....but sometimes, it's hard. *sighs wistfully*

Just so happens my schedule is empty.

But still there's no room for you.

Time has come and gone.

And things have come along.

That take me away from you.

God, please show me how to find more time for You and You alone.

I'm not usually like this....

so, I just stumbled upon this draft today {May 3, 2012} and figured I should post it, just to show myself how much I've grown in the past eight months.

Just in case anyone was wondering.....yes, I was the girl in the last post. ;) Yes, I've fallen 'in love' twice.....if that is the correct phrase to use. 

I mean, I got all the feelings and thoughts that love brings about, but how in love can I really be at age fifteen?

Just a day or two after I wrote that post, I got I Kissed Dating Good-bye by Joshua Harris in the mail. I had ordered last week---and my word, it could not have come at a better time.

In the book {which I highly recommend}, Joshua talks about pursuing friendships before romantic relationships, waiting and trusting God for His proper time, and just being happy with being single.

Even though I'm not allowed to date until I'm eighteen, this book has changed my life so much. Some things it's helped me decide to do are:

*focus on serving God here and now

*try my best to be a good sister to my brothers in Christ

*avoid anything that might make my brothers stumble

*stop wondering who My Guy is

*keep on trusting God

*make praying my #1 hobby

*pray for my future husband, whomever he may be

Now just because I agreed to the above things doesn't mean I feel any differently about the guys I mentioned last post. They're both wonderful, talented, funny, and handsome Christan guys. What has changed is how I act around them, think about them, and pray about/for them. I'm not gonna lie: these changes are going to be hard. After all, us girls like being around the boys we have feelings for. We imagine sitting beside them in a moonlit garden, with candles all around us and them whispering "I love you," in our ears.

But at this stage in our lives, my dears, I don't think this is what we should be doing. Sure, my old self might want to spend as much time alone with a guy as possible....but I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. And, for right now, no matter how much I want to dream about one of my guys being my husband, I know I just need to be their sister in Christ and keep supporting them. For if they don't end up being my husband, My Guy is still out there somewhere....and I don't want to have to tell him, "Oh yeah, honey, you're not the guy I wanted to marry at age fifteen....but I love you now!"

No. I want to leave my heart open for whomever God has in store for me. It's not going to be easy, especially now that I have two boys who make my heart feel fluttery every time they say my name! But God's got it all under control, and my heart is most safe in His hands.

She stands in a corner, alone.

Though the room is stuffy, she keeps her sweater on. The long sleeves hide her scars; the ones she will never forget about.

She looks around the room. People are laughing and talking, but no one seems to notice her. She pushes back her bleached bangs as a group walks past. 

She smiles faintly, but they keep going. her small hands turn white as she clenches her fists. She smooths the front of her plaid dress.

Am I dressed wrong? Do they know about my scars? Should I leave?

The questions flash through her mind. A single tear runs down her cheek.  

But where can I go?

She takes a deep breath and starts to walk toward the chapel doors. Behind her, someone starts singing a hymn. She hesitates for a moment, then keeps walking. 

It's not like anyone will miss me.

She holds back the tears, but only until the doors close behind her. Then they come, freely. 

If no one wants me at a church, where can I go?

She sinks into the grass, her back against the church building. 

I can't go home, school isn't open.....where?

Her tears continue to fall. Suddenly, she hears footsteps on the sidewalk. Lifting her head, she sees a boy coming towards her. 

Seeing her face, the boy stops and kneels down. She furiously brushes away her tears, but he's already noticed.

"Why are you out here?" he asks in a quiet voice. He takes her hand and helps her to her feet. 

Studying her face, he adds, "I don't believe I've seen you around here. Did you come for the party?"

She sniffles and nods. The boy frowns. "Parties shouldn't make a girl cry. Didn't anyone talk to you?"

Another tear falls as she shakes her head. She whispers, "I, uh, didn't really get a chance to meet anyone. I ho have to go, though."

She tries to leave, but he still holds her hand. "Well, you've met me. Trenton Brown's my name." He smiles at her. "What's yours?"

Her eyes stare right into his. For a moment her guard comes back up. 

"Sophie," she finally answers. Her voice is stronger this time, with a new found confidence.

 Taking her other hand, Trenton guides her back to the church door. "You just stick with me, okay? I'll make sure everyone meets you, Sophie."

She doesn't respond, for more thoughts are running through her mind.

He is really cute. Trenton is such a nice name. Perhaps I'll make a few friends. Will I ever work up the nerve to tell Trenton about my scars?  

Her last thought as they enter the church are:

I guess God finally heard my prayers.......and maybe I finally belong somewhere.

It's just been one of those days

So, it's Wednesdays again! Which means back to classes and such.

This year sees me taking French I, Physical Science, and Advanced Public Speaking at my co-op.
All is going well so far, though Physical Science is not as fun as Biology was! Although, this module we're learning about ear, which is pretty interesting.

Anyway, this post is mostly just a random, I-felt-like-writing-something post. Oh, and to ask for prayers for my best friend, Emily. She broke her arm doing a gymnastics move. Fortunately it is not her writing hand, so she can still do school. =D Please pray that her arms heals correctly, and that she is without pain!



Well, I suppose that's it for now. Oh wait, here is a picture to brighten your day:

Doesn't my Sammy have the cutest nose you've ever seen????

Adieu for now,

We will never forget..........................9/11

September 11, 2001, seems like a long time ago, doesn't it?

For me, it seems like eons ago. I was five, and the world seemed like a big place.

Then September 11 came, and the world became a big, scary place.

I don't really remember the actual day of September 11. More the aftermath, as stories, pictures, and words filled my mind.
I remember my mom and aunt standing at the kitchen counter, looking at a magazine. My head just reached above the counter, and I tried to see what they were looking at. Mom pushed the magazine from my view and told me to go play.
I remember watching the news with my mom, and seeing flashbacks of the planes crashing in to the Twin Towers. I still did not understand what was happening, other than it was bad and it made people scared.
I remember my friend's dad worked at the Pentagon, but for some reason he did not go that Tuesday. Many prayers of thankfulness were said because of God's providence.
I remember my dad coming home and telling us how he could see the smoke of the Pentagon from his office window in D.C.

I remember all of this, with a five-year old's mind. Looking back, I think How could something like this happen? How could God, the Maker of Heaven and Earth, let this tragedy happen? Why did He let this happen?

Last year, I wrote this in my journal:

9/11/2009
Today marks the eight year anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. I don't remember much, since I was only five. But for eight years I've heard stories and seen tapes. For eight years, I've heard of acts of bravery and selflessness. For eight years, I've wondered how people could be so evil, so without God. I've even wondered how God could let this happen to America! But I know everything has its purpose, even the deaths of 3,000 people. It can be hard to trust in God sometimes. But no matter what, you jsut have to trust. Just keep trusting in Him.

We don't have these answers, and we never will. Only God knows why things happen.

For us, all we can do is pray without ceasing, and remember those innocent lives that were lost nine years ago. We can also, even though it is hard, try to forgive the terrorists who died alongside our countrymen.

God bless all the men and women who put themselves in harms way that Tuesday, and God bless all the people who have given their lives the past nine years in the continuing fight against terrorism.

Love,

Prayer

I was looking through some blogs, and found this really nice prayer:

A Maiden's Prayer:

Lord, please grant me......the willingness of Mary of Nazareth...the obedience of Ruth...the devotion of Esther...the serving spirit of Martha...the listening ear of Mary...the hospitality of Lydia...the faithfulness of Lois and Eunice...the leadership of Deborah...the trust of Hannah...the searching heart of the Queen of Sheba...the boldness of Priscilla...the humility of Abigail.

Isn't that totally what we young women should be? I think so.