You promise me that I'll get through this

When you were a kid, it was easy to feel jealous. You were jealous of your neighbor's new bike, or your friend's long hair, or even something petty like your brother getting a hug from Grandma before you.
I'm sixteen, and I know I can't have everything I want, and that life's just not fair. But now that I'm past the kiddy jealousy, Satan has stirred up more feelings of desire.....a desire for the 'gifts' that my peers have.

Someone is better at speaking than me; he/she will be a great leader someday. She's an amazing writer; God will certainly use her as an author. He knows everything about theology; God obviously wants him to be a pastor. Those two have such a way with people; they'll probably end up as wonderful missionaries.

And so discontentment fills my heart yet again. After all, what can I do? I get nervous in front of crowds, my writing is sporadic, I don't explain theology well, and I'm not the most outgoing girl in the world. How could God use me to do His will?

“Let no man despise his calling; whatever instrument of usefulness God hath put into thine hand, consider that the Great Captain knew what weapon it were best for thee to wield. Covet not thy neighbour’s sword or spear, but use that which thy Lord hath given thee, and go forth to the battle of life to serve according to thy capacity.” ---Charles Spurgeon

I stumbled upon this quote while perusing Tumblr one day. I stopped scrolling and read it over about five times. I was hit with this feeling of guilt mixed with relief {strange feeling, by the way}.

Here I was, assuming God, the Creator of Heaven and earth, couldn't use little 'ole me to do something in this world! The same God who closed the lions' mouths, made manna rain from Heaven
and who brought down the walls of Jericho can easily make me someone special.

"but use that which thy Lord hath given thee, and go forth to the battle of life to serve according to thy capacity." I'm not invincable---that's a given. But that quote helped me remember that God will use me, somehow, to make a difference. He's given me gifts....now I just have to find out what they are :)

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all

And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all

But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless

And when I think that I can't do this

You promise me that I'll get through this

And do something right

Do something right for once.

-Relient K

Lord willing, I'll find out what special things I can do on this earth very soon. I'm getting tired of the waiting.....but "patience is a virtue," as my dear Bleah reminded me.  

just keep praying, just keep waiting.