I believe my composition teacher, Mrs. Suder, has mentioned this contest before---lol!
WARNING: IF YOU HAVE A WEAKISH STOMACH, PLEASE DO NOT READ.
From the most recent issue of World magazine:
Since 1982, San Jose State University has awarded a prize for the best opening "for the worst of all possible novels." The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest--named after the writer who first wrote "It was a dark and stormy night...."--recently announced its 2010 winner: Molly Ringle of Seattle, Wash.
Her sentence was as follows:
For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss---a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted watter bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil.
Can you say, "EW?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" I would rather not have that picture in my head----but I just had to share that with my blogging peeps. :)
Here is another awful beginning. Mind you, this is all one sentence.
Rick Cheeseman of Minnesota grabbed the Fantasy award for this beauty:
The wood nymph fairies bissfully pranced in the morning light past the glistening dewdrops on the meadow thistles by the Old Mill, ignorant of the daily slaughter that occured just behind its lichen-encrusted walls, twin 20-ton mill stones savagely ripping apart the husks of wheat seed, gleefully smearing the starchy entrails across their dour granite faces in unspeakable botanical horror and carnage------but that's not our story; ours is about fairies!
Can you believe someone would actually write that?!? I pray he was doing it on purpose and only for this silly contest!
With those images in your head, I bid you all adieu (for today, anway :)
2 comments:
Can't wait to hear about Mrs. Rogers' reaction to these!
lol, me neither!!!
Post a Comment