No title really captures what I'm trying to say.....

My Sister in Heaven

Many years ago, I had a sister.

For a few moments she was here on earth.

But God wanted her with Him,

So she was whisked off to Heaven, 

In the safe arms of angels.

My parents were heartbroken over losing their firstborn,

Their precious baby girl.

Almost two years later I came along,

And lifted some sadness from my parents' hearts

When I was older, Mom told me about her,

My sister in Heaven.

I was shocked, confused, but mostly sad,

For I could never spend time with her here on earth.

And so I began to miss her too,

My sister in Heaven.

But I know someday when I die,

And angels carry me off to Heaven,

She'll be the first to great me,

The first to say, "Welcome."

Then, hand in hand, we'll stroll through Zion,

Singing praises to God our King

My sister and me in Heaven.

*takes breath*

I wrote this poem on July 17, 2009. It was a few days after my mom told me that I truly do have a sister.....except she's in Heaven.

It was such a shock for me, for I had never thought that I had an older sister. I had always dreamed of having one, of course, and sometimes I would even feel like someone was missing from our little family. 

But actually learning that I have a sister-----that was a complete mind blower. Even now, two years later, I still have trouble grasping the fact that my sister lives in Heaven.

I can't even remember the number of nights I cried into my pillow, asking God why He had given me a sister....then taken her away. He knew how much I wanted an older sister---how much I needed one. So why did it feel like He was teasing me?!?

After a few months of these questions, I decided to start a journal. And in this journal, I write letters to my sister in Heaven. She can't respond to them, and I don't think she'll ever read them----but it helps me soooo much to write down all the questions I have for God. Plus, I "tell" her all the things that normal sisters would tell each other......clothes I want, boys I like, and just girl stuff in general.

I don't know if this post makes much sense to those of you with sisters, 'cause you always have that sister there with you. You can talk to her, ask her questions, and laugh about silly stuff with her.

But those of you who don't have a sister---you know what I'm talking about, right? That longing to talk with someone of your own flesh and blood.............that slight twist of your heart when you see sisters together.......that feeling of loneliness you get sometimes.

Maybe someday, if I ever get the courage, I'll post some entries from my journal. Until then, though:

I love you, my sister!!!