written for someone

11.22.12

dear friend,
I hate that you're changing, seemingly for a guy. You are so freaking amazing, just the way you are! I know you're under, "I-can't-see-my-own-beauty" curse, but you never acted like this before!
I would tell you why you don't need to change.....but your special things can't be described through the words of a best friend. Only your love will be able to find his way all around you and put your wonderfulness into prose. He'll be a cool guy, the one who truly catches your heart. You won't see him coming, but once he arrives, he will never leave.
You will finally feel secure about your body, and he'll be the only person you actually believe when he says, "you're so beautiful." Dreaming aloud will be easy around him, and your laugh will always be genuine. He is going to love you passionately, my dear. And I knew you don't believe me, and even when he does come, you'll forget about my assurances.
But I won't care, for you will be with your own version of Joaquin Phoenix, and he will see how smart and funny and breathtaking you are.

-L

down in the valley

some people have perfect side profiles. some hold on tight until you feel and smell like them. some girls have eyes like crystals; others laugh like wooden wind chimes. some sit quietly with you and read your thoughts. some giggle in an accent and think the very same thoughts.
some people tap to Switchfoot and you've known them your entire life. others wish orcs weren't animated, or glance at you like you've always been in their lives. some are a thousand miles away but you still expect them to walk into the sanctuary each Sunday. some people drink dopios and tea lattes and you wonder who kisses them goodnight. some agonize over life with you in a friend's kitchen. you wonder how you'll survive so many months without them.
some people are special, and you love to remind them of that fact
some will never know their impact on you
some are sad; some talk too loudly; some are klutzy
some you only see in photos; some smile like the end of Harry Potter; some can't sleep for joy of being alive.
these people are beautiful, and I love them all.

tastes like that one Chbosky quote

Definition of bittersweet (adj)

bit·ter·sweet

1. both bitter and sweet: smelling or tasting both bitter and sweet at the same time
2. both happy and sad: causing feelings of happiness and sadness at the same time

 See this girl here? Her name is Brittany, and she is one of my dearest friends in Christ. We've played soccer together for three years, and just in the past two months we've grown so very close. I got to attend formal with her and Robert, and it was kind of amazing. She graduates highschool in about three weeks, and this fall will be heading sixteen hours away for college. I don't know how I'm going to survive next year without her.

 

 

See this baby here? His name is Seth Titus, and he belongs to Stephen and Lindsey, youth pastor/wife at my church. Finding out about Miss Lindsey's pregnancy was the most joyful moment of my life, climaxed only by the first time I got to hold Seth as a newborn. Pastor Steve is now deployed, and I'm struggling with missing him, caring for Seth and Miss Lindsey, and hiding my own pain in the process.

 

See these girls here? They're the seven girls I've bonded with most this soccer season; my defenders, most of whom are freshmen. Getting to know them has been one of the best experiences of my life, as has been moving in to the role of their leader on the field. I never could have guessed how much laughter these young ladies would have brought me, and I cannot express how thankful I am for their friendships. Next soccer season is rather up in the air, and all I know is how dear these seven girls are to me.

 Bittersweet sums up the past week of my life, with relationships growing and then these same people suddenly being whisked out of my life.
As Brittany prayed for the team her last highschool game, I thanked God for her friendship, yet ached for her departure next fall.
The day Pastor Steve left, as I watched him baptize his own son and the congregation sang In Christ Alone, my heart and lips were joyful, while the tears coming from my eyes were sorrowful.
Sitting at dinner with Molly, Zoe, and Dori, then watching them experience triumph with each other after our championship game, I felt happy they could be so free together and melancholy we would never have this weekend back again.

Bittersweet is a word I've been using so often, it's practically a part of me. Every taste of honey in my life is coming with a pill to swallow that is sweet and hurtful at the same time.

I don't think I'll mind it when this bittersweet stage ends.

-L

grass-stained blue jeans and fanny packs of marbles

inspired by this song

I wanted the ability to draw like this!!

 

I can still recite this passage from memory

 

Larry, you'll always be my hero

 

back in the day, I used to wonder at Shaggy always being hungry. Now that I'm a teenager, though, I totally understand.

 

Dickon was always a literary crush of mine

 

this was one of my favorite scenes from this otherwise depressing movie

 

proud to say I knew JGL before he was drop-dead-gorgeous

 

no words are needed for this, I do believe

 

again with the food-related characters! I always felt bad for the caterpillar, since he looked so uncomfortable.

 

my brothers and I can quite literally quote this entire movie. Gosh, I love it.

 

there used to be Cambell's commercials on tv showing an ice skater coming in after a cold, hard practice and slurping her warm noodles----and since I wanted to be an ice skater, I slurped my warm noodles too. (:

 

this movie actually makes me tear up a bit.....crazy talk.

 

the episode when DW got her library card has always stuck in my mind, for I know how exited I was when I got mine.

one of my favorite movie soundtracks

 

 

talk about horrific animation, but oh goodness me this movie makes me happy.

 

reminds me of concocting our own popsicle with my EJ.....good times

 

favorite Christmas cartoon



yeah, I think it's safe to say I had a pretty rockin' childhood.

what about you? what parts of your childhood sticks out to you?

 

-L

this is just therapy

I have a job now, and it's changing my life.

I'm a reading a little book called Les Miserables, and it's changing my life.

I have a special, more-than-friends-friend, and he's changing my life.

I've been to Colorado and back again, and that whirlwind trip changed my life.

There's so much to tell, yet still no words to describe it all. You guys have no idea how frustrating this is, having the urge to sit down and sum up everything that's happened in the past eight months---and the words just don't come.

I miss typing up perfect sentences that turned in to stirring posts.

I miss knowing every detail about all your lives.

I miss my little blogging niche.

But, most of all, I miss you bloggers I once considered friends. I dunno how, but I want to get back in the groove of commenting and posting and becoming kindred spirits with you girls again.

it may take a while, so I just pray God keeps you all here until my life rolls back around to blogging.

-L

little talks

1. No time for breaths these days, or thinking of blog posts, or writing letters, or sleeping. I'm working three days a week now at our local Starbucks, in addition to classes on Tuesdays/Wednesdays, plus soccer and fitness three nights. And on those rare occasions when I do get to take a moment to myself, all I feel like doing is watching Downton Abbey and sleeping for days and days and days and.....well, you get the picture.



I have the sweetest soul sister in the entire world.....she celebrates over me getting a job!

2. Most television shows are created for pleasure and distract you from unhappy parts of your life. Then, there are the shows {usually filmed in Great Britian} that crush your spirit and cause more emotions than your own personal life. It's kind of insane, sort of annoying, and now a fact of life for me.

they all look so stately and Downton-ey ;)

3. To know someone's heart seems to fit yours like a puzzle piece is quite breathtaking, albeit a bit scary. But oh, knowing that wonderful person and knowing they think you're wonderful is rather, well, wonderful.

4. Along with those British shows that break you in to a million pieces, there is the occasional book written by a brilliant American author who does the exact same thing. For me, this was The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Oh my word, what a book. I finished it in one night, and sobbed my way through the last three or so chapters, which doesn't usually happen to me.
I was annoyed with the unnecessary cussing, and the occasional rude phrase, so if you are extremely sensitive to those sort of things, I wouldn't suggest this book for you.

*cue sobs*

5. Growing up is becoming bittersweet for me. Having my license and more freedom is crazy cool, but at times I feel like my childhood was an entirely different and almost-forgotten life. I wonder how it will feel to be thirty-five and look back, or sixty-two? I'm only seventeen, yet I feel as if I've lived a long, long while. I sound like an old codger now.....oh joy.

dear Tigger, you are adorable

6. Days that stink are a part of life, I get it. When they are occurring, I pray that God will hurry up and just make the day end, but when I look back on them, I see how perfect He had made that particular day. Even Tuesdays that are long and tiresome and include three major breakdowns have highlights, however small.

7. Travel catalogues at the doctor's and pictures from our Colorado trip are causing my heart to ache for a new adventure. People are on airplanes, walking cobblesone streets, and eating exotic food- - -oh, I can't wait for that to be me someday.

 

always,

-Lily

it's like hearing your mom's voice after a week at camp,

eating the first corn on the cob of the summer,

waking up in the middle of the night,

decorating your Christmas tree,

talking with a childhood friend,

or looking at your blog after a two month break.

It's familiar, but also kind of strange. You know it should feel normal, and maybe it does eventually.....but you still have to get past the strangeness of coming back and feeling like things have changed.

My life has become pretty rad recently {bringing that word back}. Or maybe it was always this way, and I'm just now realizing this fact. That's how it goes, right?

so now it's Christmas eve, and I'm starting to think about 2012 and all the things that have happened. There were a few big moments, a lot of little ones, and hundreds upon hundreds of memories made.

 

 

I'm back writing on this blog, but I don't feel like myself. Words are clunky in on my keyboard, thoughts are fuzzy, and I just want to sleep. Plus it's Christmas tomorrow, so how am I supposed to concentrate anyway?

 

 I've traveled, I've made new, amazing friends, I've changed myself, but this blog has stayed the same. I can still go back and look at things I wrote when I was fourteen and didn't really understand anything. Of course, I'm still getting there....but I've made a bit of progress.

 

 

 



so, Merry Christmas, you wonderful people who have stuck with me all these years. You will always be a part of my life, even when I disappear and am out of touch.

yours always,
-L

easy there, ecstacy

I like the word happy. I like being happy. But oh, most of all, I like being happy for other people.

For instance, a young couple I love like my own kin is expecting their first baby this spring. When I heard the news, I spazzed for about ten minutes {it's true, ask Emily}. The fact that they are having a little 'them' made me all giggle-y and squeal-y and simply overjoyed for them.

It's true, a lot of things have happened to me exclusively that made me want to jump for joy, or kiss the snow. But, unlike finding out about a new baby, that he's dating her, or that one friend got the part she's been dying for, I didn't literally let my happiness burst out of me.

It's just easier, most of the time, for me to be happy for someone else. Excepting a very few people, I dislike sharing my own triumphs and joys. I'm always afraid that the other person will be annoyed by my gushing, or simply won't care. I hate rejection.


I think it's better to know for sure that your friend is happy and share in his/her exuberance, than to be personally happy and left wondering if anyone else truly cares.

"Light is shed upon the righteous and joy on the upright in heart. Rejoice in the LORD, you who are righteous, and praise his holy name /// Psalm 97:11-12

Be happy, my dears. Whether it's in your best friend getting a smile from her special guy, your brother winning his soccer game, or a personal moment, rejoice in Him because of it. He likes it when we praise Him in joy.

always,
-L

faults and flaws

I like seeing things in people. I like observing them until I finally feel content with what I know of them.



 

 

As this quote states {from The Book Thief, by Mark Zusak} observing a certain person closely reveals their good and bad qualities---the things that make you love them, yet hate them at the same time. Such a quandry, eh?

Funny thing is, I actually like knowing people's faults; the flaws in their personalities.

Is that weird?

What I mean is, I like seeing the weak points of those around me, and treasuring them. Like Mary pondered everything about the Wise men in her heart, so I take those special hand movements, the crazy faces, or the silly things and let them dwell in my heart.

Those little quirks are a part of this special person, and so I love these wacky parts of them. Maybe I get annoyed by the aforementioned quirks, but they endear that person to me more. I know their little oddity is safe in my heart, and I often hope no one else notices it!

The world is cruel, and weird/funky traits aren't appreciated so much. It makes me sad, so I like being one of the few who care and cherish little things.

If you find someone who loves your flaws, hold on to them, and don't let them out of your life. Do your best to learn their way of seeing things, and soon you'll be changing the world, one lovely flaw at a time.

'cause you've got {that one thing}

I love once a week hugs.

 

I hate only seeing people once a week.

 

I love peppermint mochas from Starbucks.

 

I hate when people try to steal/throw away my peppermint mocha.

 

I love puffed lobster chips.

 

I hate choking on prawn chips and scaring the business man next door.

 

I love Megamind.

 

I hate custom baby seal leather boots.

 

I love the song, Begin Again by Taylor Swift.

 

I hate that liking Taylor Swift is cliche.

 

I love new iPod apps

 

 

I hate the fact that I've never had an actual photobooth strip in my hands.

 

I love friendly conversations 'bout important topics.

 

I hate offending people.

 

I love mythology.

 

I hate Olympian-sized affairs and murders.

 

I love Sherlock Holmes.

 

I hate the Reinbach Fall.

 

I love On Direction dance parties in parking lots.

 

I hate people who stare at said dance parties.

 

I love perfect days in October.

nothing without Providence*

*motto of Colorado

via

Aunt Debbie went to be with our Lord this past week. Honestly, it really didn't sink in until last night, when I sobbed quietly in my bed. Funny how you only need one good cry for everything to be in perspective.

Things have had the usual numbness since Dad informed us we'd be heading out to Colorado for the funeral. All I've wanted to do this week is read sad books, listen to sad songs, and watch television shows to get my mind off matters. It's partly working, but taking one look at my dad or mom's face brings me back to reality. Then you pass strangers in public who smile at you, or a friendly waiter cracks a joke, and for whatever reason you feel like bursting out in to tears. It's the little things that set you off, you know?

via

 But God is good, and we have the means to visit Aunt Debbie's family this week. We'll be driving cross country, and this East Coast gal is ready to see Kansas plains, the St. Louis Arch, and Colorado mountains. And who knows? Maybe we'll get the chance to swing through a certain town in Kentucky *wink wink*

It may seem odd to say---but I'm getting good at dealing with death around me. I pray it never becomes commonplace, but at least a loved one's passing doesn't shock me in to paralysis anymore.

You followers have been wonderful! Upon my return, I should have lots of pictures, detailing my trip 'round our beautiful America.

forever yours,
-L

to you

but since I'm not, just read away and figure out if I'm talking to you or not. 

Hey big sister. I miss you, even though you're just a shadow from the past. I haven't written to you in ages, but I'm pretty sure you still have a place saved for me up there, right inbetween you and Mom-mom. It's true, I question God's decision to take you so soon---but good gravy, I can't wait to meet you. 

 You're my best friend. I mean, how long have we known each other? Pretty much our entire lives, right? Things have changed for me over the years, but never you. You've always been the smile I needed on sad days, the level head on hyper days, and had a semi-sarcastic laugh every other one. I can't tell you how happy I am now that you and Aiden have started to become awkward friends, for you both mean a lot to me. I honestly can't imagine my life without you. 

oh my soul sister....where would I be without you? Very lost, and I doubt I'd smile every time I hear Stellar Kart lyrics. I used to wonder what it would be like to know someone who was exactly like me---yeah, it feels like this :) I think about our future plans like every single day, and seeing the wicked cool collage you made for me gets me oh-so-psyched for life during/after college. Yeah, I pretty much thank God for you every single day.

you're my confidant; at least, that's what I like to call you in my mind. How many random, fast phone calls have we had in the past year and a half? Even ones after midnight, with my eyes drooping, giggling over ridiculous things only you find funny. Awkward things seem commonplace with you, like I'm talking to a family member. In fact, you are kind of like my older sister, in a funky way ;) Thank you, dear, for introducing me to Owl City, Doctor Who, and countless other amazing things. I love you oh-so-much.

This is kind of a general one---but oh my goodness, I miss you girls. We started out as innocent girls, who just wanted to play soccer. Now where are we? There are so many things I wish I could have changed, said, and done. You're all spread out today, and I've only talked with one or two of you since that last day. I've had constant dreams about you all, that somehow morph in to nightmares. I miss the times and jokes we had, and sometimes I cry, thinking of our mingled pasts. I miss the old us, and the sisters you used to be to me.




You're my best guy friend, aside from that other special dude *wink wink* But really, I would have gone insane long ago if you weren't in my life. You get this hilarious tone in your voice and are just like, "Okay Kat, calm down now---everything will be all right." And, of course, it always is. Thanks for putting up with my randomness, really bad jokes, and sometimes dumbfounded expressions. You're an awesome guy, and I hope we're friends forever.

  
 My first best friend, and one of the only people I can really 'catch up with' and there's no awkwardness! I still find pictures of us in our soccer uniforms and smile, or the one of us washing dishes in your kitchen. Ah, we were so cute!! Please, stay in my life.

I remember seeing you for the first time and thinking, "Wow, she looks really cool!" And you still are. I often wonder why in the world you spent so much time with me, that dorky eleven-year old who just wanted to make music videos. Thank you for never making me feel younger than you *hugs* You're in college, which is weird---Psych marathon during your break?



 
You, my peeps, are so very special to me. It's my last year to be around you guys every week, and I'm going to miss everything about y'all!!! Two minute conversations between classes; crazy laughs in science or composition; super fast hugs; those stairs I'm pretty sure everyone has fallen down at some point. I'll never forget you guys, ever. Cross my heart, hope to die, throw a softball in my eye. 

 Hi. You're the most wonderful boy I've ever known, and I can honestly say I've liked you since that first scary day. I didn't think it was possible---but I fall even harder for you every time I see you. Thanks for being you.

it's a fine, fine life

  1. No really, it is. It may be an upside-down life, but it's still pretty fine. With my parents out of state visiting Aunt Debbie, the boys and I are bunking at Grandma/Grandpa's. I love spending time with them, and learning more about our family history {like, my great grandma as a telephone operator in the city; my great-grandpa a steel welder...and somehow, they met and fell in love. can someone say short story?!?}

 

2. Oh good, summer's over. I've gotten plenty of flack for that statement, but I know deep down y'all agree with me. Can someone say cute sweater time? Oh, and my last year of classes has begun. It's so weird, realizing I'm that 'big girl' taking Comp IV {always reserved for the seniors}. I haven't quite reached that status yet, but still! After this year, I'll only be a visitor---one of those who's moved on. How am I old enough to have reached this point? Glack, time creeps up on us.

   

3. Once again, I realize just how much I love my brothers. A week with only them for entertainment has really made that clear. They're actually funny, when they're not poking fun at me over certain boys, my  friends, and the silly things I do every so often.

    

4. So there's this guy. No, he's not the Doctor {see below}, though he actually reminds me of David Tennant {not pictured}. He's got crazy cool glasses, makes ten minute speeches on dirt {while still sounding interesting} and is basically the coolest boy in the world. We're those two who aren't really a couple, since I can't date until next year---but of course, everyone thinks of us as one anyway. Can't say I really mind, since I like him and he likes me and it's awkward anyways so why don't we just enjoy our awkwardness together?

 
5. Tenth Avenue North is definitely my favorite band. I'm hoping you guys have listened to their new album? Every song is a bam one, and I've loved comparing this album to their others. A Midsummer Station, courtesy of Owl City, is pretty swinging as well. Silhouette is sticking out most to me right now. You should definitely look it up (:



6. I like hugs, I'm finding out. There's just something about a person wrapping you up and not letting you free for a few seconds. In those seconds you smile, smell, listen, and breathe. All right next to a person. It's a rather fascinating process, when you stop and think about it. The different types of hugs, depending on who it is/what the scenario is like is kind of cool.




7. I'm turning in to a smorgasbord of British television shows! Sherlock, Downton Abbey, Wives and Daughters, Merlin---I'm changing because of it. As in, I hardly notice British accents, I'm shipping about ten couples right now, and all I want to drink is tea. Not the worst obsession in the world, I suppose.


 {oh, and this song is beautiful and sad and totally worth four minutes of your time}

-L